Dr Shitsuji
by LuNa6780
Summary: Welcome to Dr. Shitsuji, an attempted Dr.Phil show gone Kuroshitsuji! Today, Elizardbeth-erm, I mean Elizabeth- has visited us to talk about her love for cute things along with...A-Alois? Oh dear, this can't be good. Alois, PLEASE step away from us with that fire extinguisher...!  Oh, Alois. Poor Ciel can't breathe. Fluff included
1. Tch Can't Be Good

**Hey it's me, LuNa6780! I've decided to take a little break from my story. I was starting to notice how a lot of the Kuro cast have "problems", and for some reason Dr. Phil was playing on the tv, so I came up with this! Yeah, um, it's kind of bad, and attempted humor, so if you don't find any of this stuff funny, please don't shoot me! I just needed to get this out of me and yeah... Anyways, please R&R and enjoy!**

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"Hello! Welcome to Kuroshitsuji styled Dr. Phil! I'm your psychiatrist, Kitsune, and I'll be here to help the Kuro cast solve all of their problems! Oh, before I forget!" With those words, Kitsune jumped out of her chair and ran to an ebony desk in the corner of the room. She promptly opened a drawer and took out a pair of black spectacles, putting them on her face. "Ah, that's better. Now, as I was explaining, I'm Kitsune, the psychiatrist who will help solve all of the characters of the Kuro casts' problems. Now-"

"Those glasses are just cardboard cut outs that she spray painted," interrupted a midnight blue haired boy sitting in a velvet chair. "Look, her ID badge is just a piece of paper with the name 'Kitsune' scribbled on it. It's attached by an old haircli-"

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," said Kitsune, shooting death glares at the boy, "Now I'm going to explain how this whole thing works." She took off her cardboard glasses, flinging them at the boy sitting in the velvet chair. Walking back to her ebony desk, she opened up a different drawer and took out a stack of papers, filing through them with her thumbs. "Even though it was Ciel who interrupted me, I'm not going to name that person..." She hummed.

"You just did." Ciel narrowed his eyes, looking at the papers." Those papers are blank." Ciel remarked, with a hint of boredom in his voice. He plucked the spray painted glasses that got caught in his hair out, observing them and throwing them in a random direction. "She's just doing that to look professional."

Kitsune pouted, then took out a red crayon from her pocket, scribbling something down on the blank sheet of paper. "Here is how this whole thing works." She held up the paper, holding it horizontally. On the paper were a few sentences. "These are a few simple things you should know for this show."

"Nice writing." Ciel scoffed.

"Oh you shut up. Okay, so, a reminder, this is an attempted Dr. Phil show gone Kuroshitsuji style! So, in each episode, I'm going to call out your favorite characters to help find a cure for their fetishes. For example, I've had a few people tell me that Ciel has a bad habit of saying 'tch' too many times. As a result, I called dear Ciel out here to help him with this addict."

"Oh boy..."

"Alright, so, our very first patient of honor is Ciel Phantomhive!"

"Well this is an on off day for me..."

"Glad to hear that! So, Ciel, I've been hearing that your "Tch" remarks are starting to become a bad habit." Kitsune took out a yellow note pad and a purple crayon from her desk.

"What do you keep in that desk?"

"It's not called the magic desk of randomness for nothing my blue haired friend."

"...When did I ever say I was your frie-"

"Back to the subject," the jet black haired girl tore off a page filled with random scribbles, throwing it in a trash can and yawning "I heard that this supposed 'tch' was getting pretty serious. Is there a certain reason why you insist on using that word every time you feel the need to mock and or laugh?"

"Tch. That doesn't even make any sense."

Kitsune scribbled something onto the fresh sheet of paper, nodding. "Interesting... and how do you feel about that?"

"Feel about what- that what you said doesn't make any sense?"

"Precisely. How do you, earl Phantomhive, take that?"

"I guess I take that as an offense..."

"Mmhmm. so, how would you explain this, quote and quote, offense?"

"Have you ever even watched Dr. Phil? I'm pretty sure this isn't how the show-"

"Well no I haven't. Back to the real problem, Ciel, to help you with your bad Tch habits, I brought in a very special guest. Please welcome, our very first guest, Aloisia Transtine!"

"...Who?"

A teenager about the age of fourteen strolled in, wearing a purple dress. She flipped her blonde hair tied up in twin ponytails, looking around. Once light blue eyes caught sight of Ciel, said girl lit up like a candle and immediately ran to Ciel, glomping him. "Oh, Ciel!" she exclaimed. "I didn't know that your tch addictions were that bad! I'm so sorry; I would've found help right away!"

Ciel squirmed in said girl's grasp. Once he caught a glimpse of her, he narrowed his eyes. "Alois, take off that god dammed wig."

Alois giggled, then in a frivolous high pitched voice, he/she squealed. "Since you were able to recognize me so fast, I guess that makes us lovers!"

"I have absolutely no reply to that."

"Actually, by saying you have no reply to that, that statement was actually a reply. So, you were wrong. How do you feel about that?" Kitsune said, drawing random pictures of purple stars onto the paper.

"What... the hell?" Ciel remarked, confused.

"Hm, I see." Said girl pushed her invisible glasses back up with her index finger, nodding. "That is very interesting, earl Phantomhive."

Alois, whose arms were still wrapped tightly around Ciel, smiled. "That's my Ciel for you~"

"..."

"..."

"Well that blows things out of proportions..." Kitsune said, breaking the silence by a noticeably fake sneeze.

"Would it so happen to be my lucky day, that by things you mean you?" Ciel teased, with a bit of hope in his voice.

"Oh you did not just say you want me to blow up, little boy." Kitsune got up, throwing the notepad down and putting the purple crayon in her pocket.

"Maybe I did." Ciel said, still in between Alois arms.

"And how do you feel about that, Ciel Phantomhive?"

"Feel about what?"

"How do you feel about me finding a cure for your tch addictions?"

"I suppose rather... relieving. How are you going to cure me?"

"By killing you~"

"Oh shit."

Kitsune turned to the camera and smiled. "We'll be back after I kill this- I mean we'll be right back after these short messages. Stay tuned!"

Ciel ran to the camera, clamping onto to it. "If I'm not back by these commercials, please call 91-"

Kitsune grabbed hold of the boy, dragging him away from the camera. "Stay tuned!"

*After Commercials*

The camera flashed back on, and Kitsune was strangling Ciel, with Alois behind her yelling, "I'll save you Ciel!"

Alois ran out of view for a second, then came back with a fire extinguisher. "Damn right you are, boy!" Kitsune yelled. She turned around, and upon seeing Alois with a fire extinguisher, her eyes widened. "Put the fire extinguisher down, Alois." She said in a hushed tone, her hands gesturing down to show the boy to relax.

Alois opened the cap, ready to fire. "Oh sh-" Kitsune turned to the camera and whispered, "Wait are we on? Sh- Hi! Welcome back!" Said girl brushed past Alois, and straightened out her attire. "Earlier, we were talking about Ciel's 'tch' fetishes!" Kitsune walked to her magic desk of randomness, talking a seat and gesturing for Ciel and Alois to come up and sit down in the two chairs that were in front of the desk.

The camera flashed into Ciel and Alois's view. Alois had dropped the extinguisher and was now glomping Ciel like there was no tomorrow. "Eh hahaha!" Kitsune laughed nervously. "Come on you two; take a seat so we work this whole thing out."

The two boys did as they were commanded, sitting in the blue chairs. "Weren't these red before?" Ciel questioned.

So Alois, would you like to explain to us how this addiction started happening? Also, can you tell us how it's affecting others around us?"

"W-well..." Alois said in his high voice. He still had his wig and dress on. "It all started when I met Ciel... I- I -" Alois sputtered with fake tears forming in his eyes.

"Alois, I haven't even known you for that long." Ciel grumbled.

"And now, it's affecting so many people!" Alois mourned dramatically. Alois reached in a baby blue handbag and took out a photo of Ciel dozing off. "He used to be so happy!" Alois exclaimed, shoving the photo into Kitsune's face. Kitsune took the photo, smirking at it deviously. She put it down on her desk and fished for her purple crayon in her pocket. Said girl began doodling all over the picture of Ciel, putting a purple mustache on his forehead and coloring his lips purple.

"Alois, when did you take that picture of me?" Ciel questioned with a hint of annoyance in his voice. Ciel glanced at the picture, which was now full of graffiti, grabbing it and ripping it in half. He crumpled the paper up and threw it at Kitsune, who fidgeted and threw it back at him. The two continued this makeshift game of pass when Alois suddenly gasped.

"See, look what happened after, after all of this irony!" Alois cried. He got up from the blue chair, walking up to the camera and shoving the photo into the lens. The photo showed Ciel, who was yelling. His eye patch was off, and his contracted eye was glowing.

"Alois, that was two weeks ago when I ordered Sebastian to- wait, did you have a camera with you when our butlers were fighting?" Ciel asked.

"It's so obvious that he kept it in his boots." Kitsune retorted. She looked at the clock, and bolted right out of her seat. "Crap, I forgot about the time. Well, it looks like we only have thirty minutes…" Kitsune turned back to the camera, and smiled. "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next patient of honor, Alois Trancy!"

Alois got up, and put his hands to his chest. "Oh, really? It's such an honor!"

"I'm sure by honor, you mean inconvenience." Ciel grumbled.

"Alois, we're here to talk about your licking problems." Kitsune turned away from the boy and to the camera with a serious face on. "Alois's licking problems: a habit, or downright creepy? To assist us today is the lovely Alois!" Kitsune exclaimed, pointing at Alois.

Alois got up and waved to the crowd, which consisted of a few dead bugs on the chairs full of cobwebs.

"Alright Alois, I've been hearing rumors about your licking problems. Now, are they just a habit, or are you just plainly obsessed?" Kitsune, who was now in her 'Dr. Phil' mode said.

"What?" Alois questioned, tilting his head to the side.

"I see." Kitsune said, putting her thumb and index finger to her chin. "Well, my viewers, I have a special treat for you today. I have a little video made by a fan girl for Alois's licking problems. Please turn your attention to the screen!"

"Was the fan girl, by any chance, you?" Ciel remarked.

Kitsune disregarded that statement, opening another drawer in her magic desk of randomness. She took out a black square remote with a single red button, pushing it. The camera turned to the screen, and a video of Alois licking a bunch of random chess pieces began. Ciel shuddered as the video progressed and a clip of Alois licking Ciel's ear was shown. After five minutes, the video was finally over and the camera pointed back to Alois, who was clapping.

"Wow." Ciel, who was obviously freaked out, said.

"Yup." said Kitsune. She turned to Alois, folding her hands together. "So Alois, is there a specific reason why you love licking things? I mean, is it a hobby?"

"I guess." Alois said.

"Hm, I see." Kitsune turned to the clock and gasped. "Oh, look at the time! We only have five minutes!" Said girl got up, and waved. "Well, that's a wrap!"

"What does that even mean?" Ciel commented.

"It's a figure of speech." Kitsune grumbled. "That's it for now! Stay tuned!"

*Behind the Scenes* (After the show)

"Well that was fun!" Kitsune exclaimed. Said girl was holding a glass of water, gulping it down.

"I still wish you would blow up…" Ciel mumbled.

"Why you little," Kitsune smirked, then turned to Ciel. "Actually, I think I'll let you off the hook."

"Really?" Ciel said, bored.

"Yeah, after this!" Kitsune exclaimed. Said girl took the glass of water, pouring it onto the blue haired boy.

"You little son of a- look at this, I'm soaking wet!"

Kitsune giggled. "That's what she said!"

"You are so immature."

"Hey Alois, isn't Ciel so sexy when he's wet?" Kitsune yelled.

Alois ran into the room, and gasped. "He is! he is!"

"Shit." Ciel swore.

"And guess what?" Kitsune said to Alois.

"What?"

"He just told me you're fuckin sexy and he loves you!"

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Ciel kept swearing.

"He did? Oh, I love you too, Ciel!" Alois, who was now in his normal attire, exclaimed. He ran to the soaked boy.

"Have fun." Kitsune smirked.

"I hate you." Ciel muttered. He ran out of the room with Alois running behind him.

"I'm going to enjoy being in this show." Kitsune said, taking a seat in one of the blue chairs. She raised her glass, shaking it. "Hey intern, get me a refill!"

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**Uh, so yeah. I hope you enjoyed this. It's true, I have never watched Dr. Phil. Yes, for some reason Alois felt the need to cross dress. Fail name lol. Oh, if you find that this resembles any story, can you please tell me? I want this to be different. Oh and I'm currently doing a poll on my profile, so can you please check it out and vote? Oh, and the reason why I named my host Kitsune and not Luna was because I recently found the name and liked it. Remember, I allow anonymous reviews so please R&R! Thank you for reading!**

**Until Next Time,**

**LuNa6780**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yup, it's me LuNa6780, back from my tempoprary hiatus! I'm so sorry I havent updated this story for a few weeks, I've just been buried under homework and tests. Last week I just recovered from a cold! Thank you so much BloodyxxRose, kaaaaarl, and i'mthenewCAKEPIG for checking out my story and reviewing! This chapter is dedicated to you guys!**

***Important Notice***

**Okay, so so far, I have gotten one review saying that this story was like Kuroshitsuji Kangaroo Court. I new this was coming, however, before you flame me, telling me that I'm trying to imitate KKC, please understand this one thing: I know that most or all of you understand that none of us want our ideas to be similar to others'. Well, this is my case here. I am most definitely not trying to sound like that story. In addition, there are many differences between our story, the number one reason being that I will never be able to write something as genius and funny as her story. Other differences include that this story is to point out every little quirk among the characters in the Kuro cast. Also, in this story, Alois and Ciel aren't the co hosts, they're just reoccuring guests. ou may think I'm being too defensive about tihs, but I just don't want to get a hundred reviews saying I'm trying to copy it. Thank you for reading this important notice!**

**Enjoy the story!**

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"Hey there! Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji, the show where we lend out a helping hand to the Kuro cast! Today, we're here for a certain raven haired butler." Kitsune said, wearing a pair of three dimensional glasses with the lenses knocked out. "Loving cats: an infatuation or just an obsession? To assist here today, please give a warm welcome to our patient of honor, Sebastian Michealis!"

"It's an honor to be here, Lady Kitsune." Sebastian said, getting up from a blue chair in the middle of the stage and bowing.

"Just call me Kitsune." Said girl smiled, getting up from the ebony desk, which was now officially dubbed the magic desk of randomness. "And it's an honor to meet the famous demon, Sebastian Michealis." Kitsune said, bowing. Sebastian smiled and nodded.

"Are you two going to get on with the show, or are you just going to continue flirting?" Ciel, who was sitting in the crowd piped up. "I don't even understand why I'm here. What did I do?"

"You should be honored," Kitsune spat at the adolescent boy. "You are the first person to sit in the crowd!"

"Then," Ciel pointed to Alois "Why is he here?"

"Because I invited him." Kitsune said. "Besides, didn't you tell me that you loved him yesterday?" Kitsune smirked.

Alois perked up, and smiled. "So you do love me!" He said, hugging Ciel.

"I did no such thing!" Ciel exclaimed.

"Uh huh. But even by saying that, you're not denying that you found Alois's legs so sexy?" Kitsune retorted.

"You do?" Alois said. He was now strangling the smaller boy.

"No! Now get off me you imbecile!" Ciel yelled. He struggled to get out of Alois grip for a few minutes. Finally he was able to pry himself from the blonde boy and got up. "I'm sitting over there," he said, pointing to a chair at the end of the row.

"Hey Alois," Kitsune whispered.

"Yes?" replied the blonde boy.

"I bet he's playing hard to get. He told me all about his plan while we were talking after the show yesterday, which is why I dumped water on him because it was a very, dirty plan." Kitsune smirked.

"Really?" The blonde boy's eyes lit up like a candle.

"Yeah, don't stoop to his level. Fight back!" Kitsune exclaimed. "Do something so outrageous that he'll let go of his plan completely and go with your plan, which I bet will be ten times more brilliant!"

"Okay!" Alois exclaimed.

"What are you two curs talking about now?" Ciel said, annoyed. He looked at Kitsune. "Don't you have a show to go on with?"

Kitsune blinked, confused for a second. "Huh? What- oh yeah!" Said girl turned to Sebastian and began a series of apologetic bows. "I'm so sorry, Sebastian!"

"It's alright, milady. It does seem that you managed to find something to keep bocchan and Lord Trancy occupied." Sebastian replied, smiling.

"Anyways, back to the subject, I'm here for your cat obsessions, Sebastian. To help you out, I have a very special guest who sent in a video about Sebastian's cat obsessions."

"Pardon me?" Sebastian replied, confused.

"Everyone, please welcome our guest of honor for this episode, Grell Sutliff!"

The red haired shinigami strolled in, grinning. "Oh, it's such an honor!" he exclaimed over dramatically.

"...You just had to invite _him_, didn't you?" said Sebastian, giving the death glare to Kitsune.

"Heh heh heh..."Kitsune laughed nervously."It's to help you!" Kitsune moved around uncomfortably in her chair as Sebastian continued glaring.

"Oh Sebas-chan!"exclaimed Grell. The scarlet haired Shinigami charged at the butler, only to slam into a blue chair because the butler had moved away. Grell pouted, then winked 'seductively.'

"O-okay Grell, so you said that this cat obsession is getting rather unhealthy for Sebastian, right?" Kitsune said.

Grell nodded. "Oh, it's just so tragic!" Grell exclaimed, putting his hand to his chest. "He's always paying attention to those damn cats and never to me!"

"So you're saying that his cat fetishes are only beneficial to the cats he sees and not you?" Kitsune said. She opened up a drawer in the magic desk of randomness and took out a green note pad and a red colored pencil. She smiled triumphantly for some odd reason and turned to Sebastian. "Sebastian, how does this make you feel?"

"I don't want to be rude, but that statement didn't even make sense." Sebastian replied.

"Ah. I see, I see." Kitsune replied. She scribbled something down on her notepad and turned to Grell. "Have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe loving cats is an infatuation?"

"Well no..." Grell confessed, embarrassed. "B- but I know that he's just playing hard to get!"

"Sure I am..."Sebastian sighed.

"Well anyways, Sebastian, how does that make you feel, knowing that Grell really cares for you? I mean, he made this video just for you," Kitsune reasoned.

"What are we even talking about?" Sebastian questioned.

"We're talking about how your well-being is in jeopardy because of cat obsessions," Kitsune said as a matter- of- factly. "And we have enough proof. Dear viewers, please turn you attention to the screen!"

With those words, Kitsune took out a remote and pushed the shiny red button, getting no response. After a few more pushes on the red button (which led to punching), Kitsune gave up and threw the remote down. "Dammit! I swear I have to do everything manually these days!" Said girl abruptly got up and stomped to the screen, pushing the start button on the side. Upon getting no response, Kitsune gave up and grumpily trudged back to her desk and began muttering to herself.

"Well, that's too bad," Sebastian hummed, relieved.

"Actually, Grell was so kind as to draw a few pictures. Grell, if you would?" Kitsune said, turning to the red haired shinigami. Grell smiled, then pulled an easel out of nowhere.

"This first one is my favorite!" hummed Grell. He turned the page on the easel to reveal a picture of Grell shoving a cat down a wood chipper. Bits of blood, fur, and other unidentified stuff were shooting out of the sprout. Behind the blob of red, which was known as Grell, was Sebastian hugging Grell. Pink and red hearts surrounded them.

"...Um," Kitsune said.

"Do you have a problem with it?" Grell replied, pulling out his chainsaw.

"N-no. Actually I think you're a very talented artist!" exclaimed Kitsune nervously. "Why don't you show us your other pictures?"

"..."(That was Sebastian's reply)

The shinigami grinned maniacally then continued to show the other pictures, which, when flipped fast, was a clip of Grell and Sebastian hugging. After Grell was done, he again charged for Sebastian who dodged him. He charged for Sebastian once again, and the two eventually began a game of 'tag.' While the two were doing that, Kitsune got up to try and fix the TV.

After trying to repair the TV, which of course led to wrestling with the piece of technology, Kitsune gave up. The girl was now sitting in her desk, watching as the shinigami threw himself at the demon butler. She glanced at the giant clock and sighed. Ciel, who had gone down to the stage, strolled up to Kitsune with Alois following behind. "Didn't you invite other people to come," Ciel glanced at Alois "Other than Alois and I?"

"Well I did, but they said they were busy solving a crime or something," replied Kitsune, burying her face into her arms.

Ciel scoffed. All of a sudden, there was a huge crash and Kitsune looked up. Sebastian had thrown Grell into the TV, shattering the screen. Kitsune got up and a dark aura surrounded her. "You... You fuckin broke my TV! Do you know how fuckin much that cost? I worked my ass off on my grades for that piece of shit and you broke it! Don't you two run away from me, you little mother fu-" Kitsune turned to the screen and smiled. "We'll be right back after these short announcements. Stay tuned!"

*After Commercials*

The camera flashed back on, and Kitsune was attempting to stuff a blue haired shota into the TV. "Sebastian!" Ciel yelled. "Get me out of here!"

"Oh no you don't!" Kitsune yelled. She turned to Sebastian, who was walking towards them. "Sebastian," she growled "If you come any closer, I'll turn all those cats in your closet into feline stew."

Sebastian stopped in his tracks.

"Sebastian!" Ciel yelled. "What the hell are you waiting for? Get me out of here!" he demanded.

"Good butler," Kitsune cooed. "Now go get me some English breakfast tea."

Sebastian nodded, then turned to leave. "Wait! Sebastian, don't just leave me here with...with it!" Ciel exclaimed.

"Oh Ciel." Kitsune said, turning to the boy. "This is truly why you are the _cur _to my _curry_." She smiled sweetly.

"Is that supposed to be some type of insult?"

"Actually it was a pun, to be more precise."

"E- Excuse me..." said a brown haired girl holding a glass of water."Kitsune- san, I've brought you water."

"Thank y- wait, didn't I ask for this before the show?" Kitsune narrowed her eyes.

"Y-yeah, but you asked Arrowhead water, and we only had Crystal Geyser... S-so I went to the store to get what you requested, Kitsune- san." the girl replied, bowing.

"Dammit Claire, you can't do anything right! Don't you know how to lie?" Kitsune replied, letting go of Ciel.

"I- I'm s-s-s-s-orry!" Claire sputtered.

"Well if you lied about the water, then you wouldn't have gotten yelled at. I could care less if you gave me Arrowhead water." Kitsune turned to the camera and pointed to Claire. "This is my now former intern, Claire."

"F-former?" Claire exclaimed.

"Yeah. You hear that? I'm now looking for a new intern, so send in your applications! Kitsune got up and walked to her desk. She opened the draw and took out a piece of paper, holding it up. "So, I want it to have your name, what you specialize in, and the reason you want to be my intern!"

"B-b-but..." Claire whispered. She lowered her head and walked out, glum.

"It was nice knowing you!" Kitsune yelled after her.

Sebastian came back, pushing a silver cart with a tea set on it. "Your tea, milady."

"Thanks!"

Sebastian nodded, pouring the dark liquid into the porcelain tea cup, handing it to Kitsune. Kitsune took the tea cup and sipped from it. Sebastian bowed, then turned to leave. "Wait Sebastian," Kitsune called "We still haven't finished talking."

Sebastian turned back and took a seat. Kitsune put the cup of steaming liquid down, yawning. "So Sebastian, why are you so obsessed with cats?" she cooed, stretching. Sebastian's eye twitched.

"I wouldn't call it an obsession, milady," he replied.

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say," replied Kitsune, glaring at Alois and Ciel. "So, back to the real problem, what did you think of Grell's drawings?"

Sebastian shuddered. "They were, unidentifiable..."

"Speaking of Grell, where did he go? He was here before commercials."

"..."

"Sebastian, what did you do to Grell?"

*Somewhere*

"Sebas-chan? Where am I?" said a red haired shinigami. Grell rubbed his head, opening his eyes. "Waah! It's dark! Sebas-chan!" exclaimed Grell. Grell tried standing up, but realized he was in some sort of box.

Inside the box he could hear laughing. "So is this the last of 'em boxes?"

"I think so."

All of a sudden, the box started shaking, and Grell could feel it being lifted. The box swayed back and forth and Grell struggled to stay in the same spot. "This is no way to treat a lady!" Grell complained. Suddenly, Grell heard a thump and felt himself jolt up.

"Oi! What's in this thing? It's so heavy!"

"We should be paid extra for this thing!"

Grell pounded on the side of the box with his fist, frowning. "I am not heavy!"

"…Did you here that?"

"It's probably just some spider. Not our problem."

Inside the box Grell could feel shaking as the box was again lifted and carried away. "Sebas- chan!" Grell exclaimed. He began clawing at the sides of the wooden box. "Get me out of here!"

*Back at the Studio*

"You put him in a cargo box to Europe?" yelled Kitsune. Sebastian nodded, pouring her another cup of tea. Kitsune began stroking her chin. "I understand why you would do that, but why would you put him in a cargo ship for pancakes?"

"Why not pancakes?" Sebastian replied.

"Well because everyone knows that waffles are way better than pancakes."

"They are not!" Ciel suddenly piped up.

"Yes they are!" Alois yelled back.

The two began arguing about waffles and pancakes in the crowd. It ended when Kitsune suddenly reached in a drawer and took out a megaphone. "Shut up!" she boomed.

"What the hell?' Ciel said. "How did that thing even fit in ther-"

"Well, well, well. It seems we have a bit of a breakfast controversy here."

"But we're only talking about pancakes and waffle-"Ciel started.

"How about we let our dear viewers decide? It'll be pancakes vs. waffles. On the pancakes side will be Sebastian and Ciel, and on the waffles side will be me and Alois. How about it?" Kitsune said.

"I agreed to no such thing," said Ciel.

"Excuse me, shota boy, but I think you're forgetting who has the bullhorn here," interrupted Kitsune. She pointed the horn at Ciel. "Let me repeat that for you, Ciel. How. About. It?" Ciel puffed his cheeks and looked away. "I'll take that as a yes!"

"Why you little-"

"Well, it looks like we're out of time! But, before I forget, it's time for the pun of the day!"

"The what?"

"To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

"…"

"That's it for now! Stay tuned!" Kitsune said, smiling.

*After the Show*

"Sebastian, can you pour me another cup of tea?" Kitsune asked, waving the tea cup in her left hand. Sebastian nodded, then poured the last of the tea.

"Of course, but I must warn you, this is your fourth cup of tea."

Kitsune's eyes widened. "Woah. How is it that you can pour tea from like two feet up?"

"A butler who can't-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. A butler who can't do whatever shit isn't worth his salt. Seriously, you need to come up with a new thing to say." Kitsune smiled then took a sip.

Sebastian raised his eyebrow. "I suppose you're right. Young master is showing signs of annoyance when I say that."

Suddenly, Kitsune frowned. "Don't think I haven't forgotten you broke my TV."

Sebastian sighed. "I'm very sorry, milady."

Kitsune opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by someone yelling "Sebas- chan!"

Grell ran down to the two and pouted and Sebastian. "Sebas- chan, how could you leave me there?" Kitsune got up and smirked.

"Have fun, you two." Kitsune walked out and closed the door. All was silent for a moment. All of a sudden, crashing noises and yelling was heard. Kitsune pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "I don't even want to know. Hey Alois, let's go grab some waffles!"

* * *

**Oh wow, I don't even know where to begin talking about this chapter. I decided to only do one fetish because I got lazy. Oh and the characters in the summary change with the guests each chapter so watch out for that! As you can see, there are lots of ways you can get into this show. Yes, in every show Kitsune is going to wear random fake glasses XD Oh and there is going to be a pun of the day every show, so if you have a pun, please tell me! Yes, I'm asking you to shower me with the most ridiculous puns ever. Ahem. Back to the important stuff.**

**Intern Application Rules**

**So uh, I want it to look like this. It's pretty self- explanitory.**

**Name:**  
**I specialize in blah blah blah...**  
**I want to become your intern because blah blah blah...**

**Send me a message if you need more details.**

**...**

**Pancake vs. Waffle Rules**

**I don't think I can explain it more than this. You can say anything you want, but please make sure that it includes either the word pancakes or waffles. Just please try not to do it in explicit language. Just pancakes or waffles. Not pancakies or waffies. Oh and don't even try telling me wafflejacks or you'll be immediately disqualified from this thing. I might even post a few comments here!**

**...**

**My, my, my, it's getting quite late. I think I'll retire for the night. Thank you and stay tuned!**

**Until Next Time,**

**LuNa6780**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the late update, homework kills. Enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

"Hey! Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji w-" Kitsune started. She frowned as Ciel interrupted her, taking off her plastic leopard-spotted glasses and adjusting them on her head.

"Where we help solve all the Kuro cast's problems. WE GET IT ALREADY," Ciel interrupted.

"Alright, seesh shota boy. You know, your yelling and other fetishes are what got you here― in the blue chair," Kitsune replied. She yawned, stretching her arms out in her seat. "And only I am permitted to use caps locks for emphasis. Not you."

"Just continue with this show so I can get it over with," Ciel grumbled.

"Ah. So you finally admit that this is a show and it's legit?" Kitsune asked, smirking.

"..."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Sure..."

Kitsune smiled, turning away from Ciel. "Skipping the introductions, welcome back! Today, I have a certain blue- haired shota boy who prefers pancakes instead of waffles and has the rudest-" Kitsune continued ranting on about Ciel and waffles.

"..."

"I mean, who doesn't like waffles? That's like saying you hate Sebastian-"

"Oh for the love of all things that didn't die from your raving, CONTINUE WITH THE FREAKIN SHOW!" Ciel suddenly exclaimed.

"Alright, alright. You're quite a temperamental little boy, aren't you? And what did I say about the whole caps locks thing?"

Ciel had a major eye spasm (AKA twitching his eye like there was no tomorrow) and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I- hate- you- wish- you- fell- down-"

"Uhhh, you ok, buddy?"

"Cliff- stab- stew-"

"Oi! You don't need to be so descriptive and rash," Kitsune said as Ciel continued mumbling. After a few minutes, Ciel was still venting out his anger in the most descriptive words. "Ahem. Anyways, like I was saying, we've invited Ciel and Sebastian back to stage to help Ciel with his addiction for sweets!"

"Drown- feed- whale-"

"It's an honor to be here yet again, milady," Sebastian who was sitting right next to Ciel, said. Kitsune smiled and nodded.

"Under normal circumstances we'd let this whole sweets addiction slide, but it's become too much of a problem. And so, this is what brings us here today. Ciel's fancy for sweets: an unhealthy habit or just idolatry?" Kitsune questioned. Ciel stopped babbling in his chair and quickly looked up.

"How the hell would my love for sweets be idolatry?" he snapped.

"We have enough proof," replied Kitsune holding up a CD. Ciel got up and tried to grab it, failing miserably. "Tsk, tsk. Too short shota boy," she said, shaking her head. Kitsune opened up a drawer in her magical desk of randomness, pulling out a blue popsicle. Hastily unwrapping it, she popped in her mouth and mumbled, "Fwo twagic." (So tragic)

"Give me that!" Ciel yelled. Out of nowhere, Ciel pulled out his cane and attempted to bonk Kitsune right on the head. Luckily, Sebastian caught the cane right before it was about to come in contact with the poor "psychiatrist's" head and replaced it with an empty teacup.

"It's time for your afternoon tea, my lord," the jet black- haired butler cooed. Ciel puffed his cheeks, nodding and setting the porcelain cup down. Sebastian smiled, taking a teapot filled with Earl Grey tea and pouring out the contents into the gold and silver teacup. (A/N: Wow we're just pulling so many things out of nowhere, aren't we?)

"Anyways, before we play this amazing film, I have a special announcement," said Kitsune. Opening a drawer and pulling out a piece of poster paper and a blue crayon, Kitsune jot down a series of random letters. "Everyone, please give a warm welcome to our new crowd member, Li-"

"Lizzie?" Ciel piped up.

"Zard. I meant to say that there's a lizard on the window."

"Then why did you hold out the 'I'for so long?"

"I enjoy tormenting you."

"…"

"Anyways, please welcome our newest crowd member, i'mthenewCAKEPIG!"

The red curtains hanging in the east wing of the room (A/N: Yes, they've been there since the beginning) were pulled back, revealing a smiling girl standing who was standing in the back. She briskly walked to Kitsune, waving. "Hi! It's such an honor to be here!"

"Oh, it's not a big deal," Kitsune replied, smiling. "Since you're our special guest today and forever more, you can sit in this special V.I.P. seat today," she said, pointing to a golden chair right next to Kitsune's chair. "It was specially spray-painted by yours truly." i'mthenewCAKEPIG nodded and sat down. "Hey, can I call you Pig-chan?"

"Sure. Thanks for taking the time to spray-paint this chair it's-"

"You mean Alois spray-painted that chair," Ciel piped in. "How did you get him to spray-paint it any ways? He refuses any type of work."

Kitsune moved around uncomfortably in her chair, averting her gaze to the windows where the supposed lizard was. "Oh, nothing. I just told him that he'd get to sit next to you in the crowd…every episode," she mumbled. "S-see? Not a b-big deal…"

"You. Did. What?"

"Anyways, we're running out of time. Let's play the video now!" Kitsune exclaimed, changing the subject. She got up, then sat back down. "Ughh, I don't feel like getting up."

"I'll do it!" said i'mthenewCAKEPIG. Kitsune nodded, handing her the silver CD. i'mthenewCAKEPIG got up from her specially designed VIP chair, scurrying to the giant TV. "It's the silver box, right?" she called out.

"Yeah, and then press the blue button, then the red. Wait, turn on the TV first!" Kitsune exclaimed.

At this exclamation, Ciel face palmed, mumbling to himself, "These idiots." He took another sip from his tea sighing. "How the hell did I even end up here…?"

"Bocchan, please watch your language," Sebastian reminded Ciel. He poured another cup into Ciel teacup, then sat down. "It is not proper for a noble of high status to use such vocabulary." He straightened out his attire, sitting up. "And please do not slouch, bocchan. It is a very unhealthy habit."

"Oh shut up. I have an eternity to fix up my act," Ciel retorted. Sebastian sighed.

"Don't worry, Sebastian," said Kitsune. "Once a brat, always a brat. It's kind of like me, but I'm more of a spammer. Well, at least to my friend. To annoy her, I send her spam texts that say 'This is spam' like a million times."

**Meanwhile…**

i'mthenewCAKEPIG did not question why there were a hundred, flashing, shiny buttons on the TV box, (This TV box is like the size of one of those big stereos. Why? I said so.) much like the inside of a spaceship in cartoons. She stood in front the giant box, concentrating on which buttons to press. Kitsune had told her the blue button, but to her inconvenience, there were about 20 of those suckers staring at her, as if saying, "Push me! No, me! Wait, me!" Pig-chan sighed. 'Wait!' she thought. 'Kitsune didn't give me any specific directions, so maybe I can press the red button first!'

She looked around, her eyes growing wide. There was a whole panel of red buttons!

…**Yup…**

(A/N: Okay, okay! I know what you're thinking. We haven't gotten to Ciel's sweet problems yet. Well, we're getting there…)

"And so after I sent her all of those text messages, she found me in the morning before school and attempted to beat me up!"

"You idiot."

**I Think You Knew Who Those Two People Talking Were…**

"Okay," said Pig-chan. I think I have it." She inhaled, inserting the CD into the slot. Closing her eyes, she began singing, "Ini mini mino mo catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go, ini mini mino mo." Pushing the randomly selected blue button, then pushing a red button that was already selected beforehand, she smiled triumphantly.

On the blue screen of the TV, a small, virtual disk appeared in the top left corner, spinning around. Finally, the disk loaded, and on the options on the main menu was shown in large, bold letters. "Finally!" exclaimed i'mthenewCAKEPIG . Turning to where Kitsune and Ciel were bickering, Pig-chan yelled, "Kitsune! I got it to start!"

Kitsune stopped lecturing Ciel on the history of spamming and yelled back, "That's great! Now can you press the play button and come back?" Pig-chan nodded, pushing the giant play button and walked back to her seat.

"And that, Ciel, is why spamming is so important."

**I Think I'm Doing Too Many of These View Changes, but Who Cares… **

In the crowd, Alois tapped his foot impatiently. Soon it turned to violent stomping. "Ugh! It's so boring here without Ciel!" he exclaimed.

"You tell me. Sebas-chan isn't paying any attention to me!" Grell said, crossing his arms. "This is no way to treat a lady!" he yelled.

"Wait, I think I have an idea…"

**Okay, I Promise, This will be My Third-to-Last View Change…XD**

Finally, the video started, and the whole room grew silent. (It wasn't hard. There were only like six people in there…) Ciel rolled his eyes, looking away. This proved to be hard when a certain line came up.

***Video* **

"Sebastian, go get me some sweets," Ciel ordered. He folded his hands in his chair, setting them oh his ebony desk.

"I cannot, my lord. You must not spoil your appetite."

"Go get me some sweets."

"I cannot."

Raising his voice Ciel exclaimed, "It's an order!"

Sebastian sighed, bowing. "Yes, my lord."

***End of Video***

"What the he-" Ciel started.

"Bocchan," Sebastian interrupted.

Ciel furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms. "I'm sorry, what the _bloody hell_?" Sebastian sighed. "This happened yesterday, how the he-"

"Bocchan."

"I'm sorry. This happened yesterday, how the fucking hell did you get this?"

"Sebastian, you're making it worse," Kitsune said in a singsong voice. "Who knows," said Kitsune, shrugging. "Maybe a certain fangirl snuck into your house. _With a camera_." She took the blue-stained popsicle stick out of her mouth, throwing it into a random direction. "You'll _never_ know."

"You didn't," Ciel growled. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fists as well. "You bloody didn't."

"Maybe. I. Did."

"You just signed your own death wish."

"Oh shit."

Kitsune got up, pushing her chair away. She began walking towards the exit, abruptly turning around. "I'll, uh, be right back?" She began jogging, which turned into running, which turned into a full out sprint. Ciel ran after her, cursing.

Inside the studio, yelling, taunting, and certain curse words that should not be mentioned were heard. Sebastian quickly got up after hearing Ciel yell "Sebastian!" Pig-chan sweat dropped, quickly getting up and looking towards the camera.

"U-um," she stuttered, "We'll be right back after these commercial breaks!"

***During ****Commercial Break***

While Kitsune, Sebastian, and Ciel are "working things out", how about a little recap of how Kitsune got the video? Shall we begin?

Inside the Phantomhive mansion owned by a certain spoiled little boy who had a hair color that was virtually impossible, a knock erupted at the front door. Sebastian, who happened to be lecturing the three idiot servants on who knows whatever, quickly cut the session short and answered the door. A certain host of a show that started with a "d" walked in, greeting Sebastian with a wave and a warm, "Hey there former butler!"

Sebastian stared at her blankly for a second, quickly regaining his calm composure and replied to Kitsune, saying, "Ah, hello lady Kitsune. Are you here to see bocchan?"

"Actually, I'm here to make a deal with you," she said, taking out a camera from her pocket. Sebastian raised his eyebrow out of curiosity. "I need you to film Ciel ordering you to get him some sweets. It's for evidence on the next episode of Dr. Shitsuji." She waved the camera around.

"Though that would prove to be entertaining, I cannot go against my master's orders," Sebastian replied.

Kitsune chuckled, folding her arms. She smiled deviously, tapping her foot. "And what exactly were his orders, Sebastian?" she questioned cleverly.

The raven-haired butler smirked, intrigued by her clever inquiry. He put the broom he was holding down, straightening out his attire. "Hm. That is true. However, I cannot. If my master were to find out, it would not be pleasant."

Kitsune let out a fake sigh, shaking her head. She put on her best sad-faced expression, putting her hand to her heart. "Oh, that's too tragic," she said. Kitsune turned around, picking up a box full of kittens. "I found these on the street, and nobody would take them. I won't be able to keep them since I have a kitten-hating dog. I guess I'll have to leave them out on the streets, where they can get eating by a pack of wolves, run over by cars, smashed by falling pianos, cat-napped by dogs and put into some weird project to turn cats into dogs, turned into zombies by weird scientists, starved to death and be forced into becoming cannibals, wander around and end up in Sea World where they would attempt to ride an orca whale, suddenly remembering that they can't breathe underwater, you know, that kind of stuff," she responded nonchalantly.

Sebastian stared at the kittens, then the camera, then the kittens. The purring little fur balls meowed at him, stretching and doing whatever kittens do that make Sebastian enchanted. Kitsune turned around to leave, bringing the box of kittens with her.

"Wait," Sebastian finally said, stopping Kitsune in her tracks.

"Yes?"

"Okay, fine. I'll do it."

"Good butler," Kitsune replied, handing the camera to him. "Now I have to get going. Take care of the kittens well, Sebastian!" She stormed out of the mansion, smiling. Sebastian held the box of kittens in his hands, marveling at their soft little paws.

Outside of the mansion, a sinister laughter was heard, followed by omeone exclaiming the words "Jackpot!"

***After Commercial Break***

Finally the camera flashed back on, revealing Kitsune and Pig-chan, who seemed to be tying up Ciel with a rope. Ciel kept resisting and kicking his legs around, making it all the more harder.

"This is preposterous!" he shouted. "Sebastian!"

"Yes, bocchan?" the butler replied.

"Are you kidding me? Get me out of here!"

Sebastian began to move his hands in the direction of the rope, but was stopped when Kitsune slapped his hands away. "Ah, ah, ah," she said waving her finger around. "Remember those dear kittens?"

Sebastian smirked, pulling his hands away Ciel looked at him like he was crazy. "What the hell are you doing, Sebastian! Get me out of here!" he yelled.

"Now bocchan, if you don't squirm so much, it won't be as painful. This is for your well-being."

"Okay, enough with the chitchat. We're going to go overtime if you keep babbling, Ciel," Kitsune cut in before Ciel could further protest. "Now, onto the talk time!"

Everyone who was standing sat down. Kitsune adjusted the fake glasses on her head, clearing her throat. "Ahem. Now Ciel, is there a reason as to why you hold sweets to your heart so dearly?"

Ciel fidgeted around in his chair, trying to gnaw the ropes off. "No," he said, giving the death glare to Kitsune.

"Then why don't you ever eat something like vegetables once in a while?"

"Yeah, haven't you ever stopped to think that you'd get fat from all of those calories?" Pig-chan added.

"Well, shota boy, have you?" Kitsune questioned.

Ciel clenched his fists, glaring at both Kitsune and Pig-chan. "Did you just call me _fat_?" he hissed. "Did you, fucking call me_ fat_?"

Kitsune and Pig-chan stared at each other nervously. Ciel looked like he was about to get a bazooka and bombard a whole city.

"I s-see… H-how do you feel about that?" Kitsune said, holding up a pencil and notepad with a shaking hand.

"How do I feel about that? I fu-"

***Bleeeeeeeep* **

"Mm. Hm. I see…" Kitsune said. She opened up her desk for another notepad since Ciel had already filled it up with the last comment. "Well-"

"Ciel, how could you?" exclaimed no other than Alois. He had somehow stepped onto the stage without anybody noticing, and the spotlight was on him. Literally. There was actually a huge yellow spotlight on the blonde-haired boy.

"What the heck?" Ciel remarked. "Where did the spotlight come from?"

Alois pointed to Grell, who was maneuvering the giant piece of technology. Grell waved at Sebastian, winking at the butler.

"Alois, we don't have time for this. And what happened to the lovesick puppy from two episodes ago?" Kitsune said. She threw her notepad at Alois, missing him by a foot.

"Why is the spotlight always on him?" Alois yelled.

"Oh there he goes again, just like in the last episode of Kuroshitsuji Kangaroo Court. Jesus Alois, not everything's about you," Ciel remarked, annoyed.

"But everything's about you!" Alois yelled back. "You even had a show named after you!"

"We don't have time for this. Sebastian, would you mind taking Grell and Alois away?" Kitsune interrupted. She was currently doodling a picture of Ciel making a fool of himself.

"See, even Grell's name went before mine!"

Sebastian bowed then walked towards Alois and Grell, smiling. "No need, Sebastian," said Alois, sniffling. "I'll be in my trailer if you EVER need me!" he said, running off. Sebastian picked up Grell and threw him out of the room as well. He quickly sat back down.

"Okay, anyways, from the evidence in the video, I see that Ciel can order you to do anything he wants, right Sebastian?" asked Kitsune. Sebastian nodded.

"Everyone knows that…" grumbled Ciel.

"So, even if it's not good for him, he can still request sweets and it's a must to give it to him," Kitsune clarified.

"That's what you just sa-"

"Quiet, Ciel. I think I came up with a solution." She sat there, holding her chin with her index finger and thumb. "We have to take away Sebastian." Pig-chan started laughing her ass off, almost falling out of her seat.

"What?" Ciel exclaimed, stomping his foot.

"What's the matter, Ceil?"

"You spelled my name wrong."

"Do you, perhaps, harbor feelings for Sebastian?" Kitsune whispered into his ear. Sebastian smirked, looking at his bocchan. Ciel's face turned 137 shades of red (yes, that's possible) and he quickly yelled back, "No! That's preposterous! He's just my butler…"

"So then you like Alois."

"…"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a confession!"

Pig-chan started clapping, and a bunch of fangirls started 'awwwing.' "Hope you two will be happy!" Pig-chan joked.

"Alright, that's it for our talk time!" Kitsune called. "And now for our last ten minutes, I have a few announcements." She took out a poster paper and blue neon marker, scribbling something down on it. Holding up the paper, Kitsune smiled. "So, first of all, the current results for our Waffle vs. Pancakes Controversy! And the results are…"

Pancakes: Waffle

| : ||

:

:

"Ha! Waffles are winning by ONE!" Kitsune yelled in Ciel's face. "Keep those waffle votes coming!"

"And pancake votes…" Ciel grumbled.

"Shut up. We have no more time. And now for the intern application replies!" Kitsune took out three pieces of paper, opening them up and scanning them. "Okay, so this first one is from Kunochi-wolfDemon!" Clearing her throat, Kitsune began,

"Hi, I'm Kunochi, I specalize in staring creepily at the Kuroshitsuji characters (mainly Undertaker) biting things, getting coffees, and being an epic Ninja~ Meaning yes, I can sneak into the bathroom and Take pictures of The kuroshitsuji cast. I Hope to get to be you -insane- Helpful intern."

"Oh Jesus, not another stalker," Ciel grumbled.

"Yeah, you just keep believing you have stalkers… Anyways, that's fabulous! Creepiness is a great virtue! Not to mention that being an epic ninja is so win, especially when I'm constantly needing people to sneak out and gather evidence for my future episodes!"

"What?"

"The next one is from Pandabunny-chan. Hiiii! i'm Bella(but i prefer Bunny ^^;)! I have light brown hair in a Mello-bob-cut! i have green eyes with a black ring around the iris, but you can't see them that well because of my glasses(horrible eyesight) i'm super pale, i think i was originally made to be born a ginger... now that that's over... I prefer waffles over pancakes; and I specialise in embarrassing those who aren't nice to others(especially blue-haired shotas, those things are tiny and VICIOUS!) and doing everything others tell me to do! i like to make cakes. LOTS. of cakes... i would like to be your intern because you are super-awesome-epic-sauce-ness and i'd do anything you say! plus, the shota-thing spews lies. LIIIIIEEEEEEEEESSSSS!and he's fun to pick on :D he's a tsundere, and i know QUITE a few of them! just don't kill me i'm not really a tomato box fairy and don't kill me i'll do anything (within reason i mean) SO PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"

"…"

"Why does everyone keep thinking that I want to kill them? Moving on, marvelous! Cakes are wonderful, especially chocolate ice cream cakes! It wouldn't hurt to embarrass a certain blue-haired shota boy every once in a while. And yes, Ci- I mean that shota boy must be punished for all of his lie-spewing," Kitsune said, smirking at Ciel.

"Oh joy."

"And last but certainly not least, this intern application is from xxNeonLawlietxx! My name is Audri and I specialize in being a caterer. (totally not going to sneak around and take pictures of the kuro cast or anything, haha...) I would like to be your intern because It'll be fun to see what problems the kuroshitsuji cast needs help recovering from! ^^

"Well thank you for respecting other people's privacy."

"I hope being a caterer means free food!" Kitsune exclaimed. "Okay, so that's all the time we have! But first the pun of the day: Seven days without a pun makes one weak."

"You're retarded."

"Thanks! Bye!"

***Behind the Scenes***

"Hey Alois, here, have some cake!" Kitsune shouted outside of Alois's trailer, holding a plate of chocolate cake. "Sebastian made it."

"Go away," Alois replied through fake, dramatic sobs.

"But it's double-chocolate," Pig-chan added, eating a forkful of the thing.

Alois peeked out of the door of his trailer, looking down at the plate Kitsune was holding. Kitsune handed it to him and he quickly grabbed it, shutting the door.

"Uggh, how are we going to get him out of here?" Pig-chan asked.

"Wait, I know! Hey Alois, Ciel's in his trailer and he's going to go ask you on a date!"

Alois charged out of his room, sprinting to Ciel's trailer. "I'm coming, Ciel! He yelled from afar.

A few minutes later, Ciel was heard yelling, "Trancy, what the hell? Get off of me!"

"I'm going to have lots of fun being in the crowd next to those two shotas," Pig-chan said.

"You got that right," replied Kitsune.

* * *

**Yup. Anyways, keep those votes for waffles (and pancakes XD) coming! The deadline is in, like two months or something. Oh and after a few episodes, I'll choose Kitsune's first intern! But fear not, because evryone shall have a chance to be an intern, so keep the applications coming! Thanks for reading, and I hope you review!**

**Until Next Time,**

**LuNa6780 **


	4. Chapter 3 point 5: Date?

**I'm back...again! Yup, one day after I updated. But this is actually just a sidestory, okay? It takes place right after the last episode. Warning: Do Not Read If You Don't Like AloisxCiel. This is just a little fluff I wanted to get out of me. Enjoy!**

* * *

**This takes place right after Alois ran into Ciel's trailer and… "glomped" him. **

"What the hell, Trancy? Get off of me!" Ciel yelled in the distance.

Kitsune and Pig-chan quickly followed after Alois, snickering. Once they reached the outside of Ciel's trailer, crashing noises, and Ciel yelling, "Get out!" was heard. The two stood there in front of the door, listening.

"Pleeeease!" begged Alois.

"No! Now get out you insolent buffoon!" Ciel yelled back. Soon after, the sound of Alois's fake "diva sobs" echoed throughout the trailer.

"But why?" Alois sniffed, "Y-you're s-so mean!"

"And you're mental!"

Kitsune smirked, a sinister plot forming in her head. She placed her hand on the door handle, motioning for Pig-chan to follow her with her other hand. Pig-chan grinned, following Kitsune as she opened the door and stepped in.

As they stepped in, it was a sight to see.

All of Ciel's fancy, expensive outfits were scattered across the room, covering the floor. His books and notebooks were in a messy pile that nearly reached the ceiling. It appeared that all of his pencils and pens were stuck in the ceiling. And right in the middle of the huge mess were Ciel and Alois, in what appeared to be wrestling. Alois seemed to be winning.

"Ah ha ha, I have to take a picture of this!" Kitsune exclaimed. She pulled out a camera from her pocket, snapping a few photos of the scene that was unfolding right before her eyes. Pig-chan started laughing so hard that she had to hold her stomach.

"I will not!" Ciel exclaimed, struggling to get out of Alois's grasp. Alois only "hugged" him harder, refusing to let go.

"Pleeeease?" Alois pleaded once again, flailing his legs out.

"No, now GET. OFF."

"Now Ciel, what did I say about the whole caps locks thing?" Kitsune cut in before Alois could further protest. She folded her arms, smirking.

Ciel eyed the camera, gasping. "You didn't," he said.

"I do a lot of things that surprise people," Kitsune replied, waving the camera around and flicking it on. "Now smile for the fan girls!" she said before snapping another photo.

Ciel looked like he could really use a straight jacket right now.

Before Ciel could start swearing at the girl again, Alois whined, "Please, please, please!"

Ciel glared at the blonde-haired boy, replying, "No. Now get off of me, and get out of here."

"But, but… But Kitsune said you would! She said you would take me out on a date!" Alois yelled.

Ciel looked at Kitsune, frowning. "You what?" he growled at her. "You told this, this, 'thing' that I was going to take him out on a bloody date?" Alois also turned to look at Kitsune, whose knees were starting to shake.

"Y-yes! That's right," she said. "Oh, you don't remember, Ciel? You told me you would after I splashed you with water."

Alois eyes lit up, and he turned to Ciel once more, looking at him with puppy eyes. Ciel scoffed, folding his arms. "I did no such thing, and we are not going out on a date."

Alois frowned, and he started sobbing once more. "B-but…"

"Ciel, you're so mean to this innocent little blonde shota. Just look at what you've done. Is this really what a _noble of high status_ is supposed to do?" Kitsune questioned. Ciel "hmphed", then looked at Alois again. Once he saw the poor shota crying, his gaze softened up and he unfolded his arms.

"Fine," he whispered.

Alois stopped sobbing, rubbing his eyes and looking at Ciel. "What?" he said.

"Fine," Ciel said a bit louder.

"Wha-"

"I said, FINE! I'LL TAKE YOU OUT ON YOUR STUPID DATE!" Ciel yelled angrily. Alois winced, recoiling into a ball and rocking back and forth. Ciel sighed. "I'm sorry for yelling. Now where do you want to go?"

Alois uncurled, smiling. "I want to go… to the…" He thought for a moment, looking up at the ceiling full of pencils.

"How about the amusement park?" Kitsune suggested, putting the camera away before Ciel remembered it. Alois grinned, nodding.

"Yeah, let's go to the amusement park!" he said happily.

"Fine," Ciel grumbled. He got up, holding his hand out to Alois. Alois took it, hugging Ciel after he got up. "Let's go."

The two walked out of the trailer. Kitsune turned to Pig-chan. "We totally have to record this," she said.

"Yeah, I bet we'd get some money off of selling these photos and videos to fan girls," Pig-chan replied.

Kitsune nodded, and the two walked out of the trailer, following Ciel and Alois.

***At the Amusement Park***

"Uwaah, there's so many rides!" Alois happily exclaimed. The two were currently walking down the walkway, looking at all of the rides and booths. Alois quickly spotted one booth in particular, grabbing Ciel's hands and dragging him down to the booth. "Look, cotton candy!" he said. He took out some money and bought a stick, holding it out to Ciel. "Here, have some!"

Ciel poked at the blue fluff, frowning as some of it stuck to his index finger. "What is that?" he asked. Alois gasped, taking a piece off and sticking it in his mouth.

"You don't know what cotton candy is?" Alois said, surprised.

Ciel shook his head, wiping the fluff off of his finger. "No. It looks like blue dust bunnies."

Alois frowned, taking another piece off and stuffing it into Ciel's mouth. "See? It's good," he exclaimed, smiling at Ciel.

Ciel stood there, tasting the peculiar candy. His eyes widened as it melted in his mouth. This substance was actually very… sweet. He smiled, replying to Alois, "It's good." The blue-haired boy broke off another portion of the candy and stuffed it into his mouth. Both of them smiled, sharing the last of the fluffy candy.

Behind the bushes, not far away from Alois and Ciel, Kitsune stopped the recording of the scene, smirking at Pig-chan. "We just made about a thousand fan girls happy," she told her.

After the two were done scoffing down the cotton candy, Alois dragged Ciel a ferris wheel. The blonde-haired boy handed the staff person two tickets, and they stepped into a passenger car.

Kitsune and Pig-chan quickly followed, stepping into the passenger car right next to Ciel's and Alois's. Soon after, the wheel began turning, and Kitsune once again began snapping photos.

Inside Alois's and Ciel's passenger car, Alois marveled at the view. "It's so pretty! Look, Ciel!"

Smiling, Alois took Ciel's hand, bringing him to the window. He pointed out to the lights that were beginning to turn on because it was starting to become late. Ciel looked around, amazed at all of the flashing lights.

"Isn't it pretty?" asked Alois.

"Yeah, it is," Ciel replied.

The two continued looking out at the lights, smiling. Ciel never let go of Alois's hand throughout the whole ride.

**I'll cut this whole thing short and let them have their moment. **

**

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**

**Well, did you like it? Hate it so much that you want to shoot me? Then, leave a review! Or not. I don't mind if you're too busy to give up three seconds of your life to type and submit either the word "good" or "bad." Thanks for reading, and I promise I'll update the next chapter soon!**

**Until Next Time,**

**LuNa6780**


	5. Pink Storm of Horror

**Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for not updating in like forever! Ah, would you like to know how my three months went? (These dates are approximate)**

**1. 4/12: Halfway through finishing this story, my computer broke down, holding all of my documents captive.**

**2. 4/20: I began to rewrite the story on my phone.**

**3. 5/1: I got back to where I started, halfway through the story.**

**4. 5/7: Finally, my dad got off his lazy ass and retrieved my documents from my broken computer.**

**5. 5/7: TT_TT**

**6: 5/10: I got admitted to the hospital for an anaphylactic shock from eating something I was severely allergic to.**

**7. 5/11: I took a break from eveything after nearly dying. *sigh***

**8. I'm sorry...**

* * *

***Ten Minutes before Filming***

Kitsune sauntered in, smiling jubilantly at Ciel, who, as usual, arrived early. She walked to the overly proud earl, crossing her arms.

"Morning, shota boy!" she said happily. Taking out a purple hair tie from her wrist, the host gathered her loose jet-black wisps away from her face, tying them into a messy bun. "So, how'd your date with Alois go?"

Ciel blushed furiously, looking down to the ground. "It was not a date," came his stifled voice.

"Oh, I beg to differ," Kitsune retorted, pulling out a camera from her pocket. She flicked it on, scanning through the pictured and videos until she found the desired record. Stuffing the piece of technology in the adolescent boy's face, she smirked.

Ciel's eyes widened as he saw a rerun of the events that took place yesterday in his trailer. He stood there, unhappily corrected, actually thinking of murdering Kitsune for a moment. Realizing he was much too young to go to jail, he put the thought aside for later.

Ciel clenched his fists, growling through his teeth, "When the hell did you tape this?" By now his eyes were filled with hate, anger, and a lot of other things that should not be mentioned.

"Who's to say that there's no spy cams in you trailer?" she replied nonchalantly, staring at her nails as if to file them with her mind.

"What-"

"I'm here!" exclaimed Pig-chan, walking into the room clenching a wad of cash. She ran to Kitsune, waving the bundle of money around. "Look at how much money we got from selling those photos of-"

"O-of my paintings!" Kitsune quickly cut in. Ciel raised his eyebrow, crossing his arms.

"You capture photos of paintings you create and sell them?" Ciel questioned dubiously.

Pig-chan tensed up at Ciel's clever inquiry, laughing fretfully and telling him, "W-well, you know those originals! They don't last as long…?"

"Y-yeah and this is much more efficient, you know, just painting one picture in one hour, instead of painting multiple pictures in a day," Kitsune added to Pig-chan's comment. "And besides, it's way more legit."

"Oh, really?" Ciel replied. He tilted his head to the side, saying, "Then show me one of these supposed 'top seller' photos."

"I-I left my special camera at home?" stuttered Kitsune. With a rickety hand she rubbed the back of her head and forced out a smile.

"Then-"

"Oh, here, look at the time! Ciel, you're not a patient of honor today, so you and Pig-chan go in the crowd," Kitsune suddenly exclaimed, looking at the invisible watch on her wrist. She flicked her hands back and fourth in a shooing motion. "Shoo!"

Ciel grumbled something to himself, with Pig-chan following behind him. Plopping down in a seat right next to Ciel's, Pig-chan pulled out something that suspiciously looked like a bullhorn, quickly putting it back under her bench when Ciel raised his eyebrow at the mysterious object.

"Ten seconds until showtime!" exclaimed Kitsune. "Ten! Nine! Eight!" Kitsune continued counting down while down the stage to her magic desk of randomness. "Five! Four!" Slipping on her star-shaped glasses, she straightened herself out to look professional. "One!"

The camera flashed on, and the sound of an audience clapping resonated throughout the room. Kitsune waved and smiled, clearing her throat.

"Hey! Welcome back to-"Kitsune shut her mouth when she saw Ciel glaring daggers at her. She could have sworn that she spotted him sharpening an actual dagger. "I-I mean, welcome back! Since you're still here, I trust you've memorized the whole point of this show, and since I have the feeling that if I do carry on with the introductions I would get stabbed by a dagger, I'm going to skip them," she said. Kitsune crossed her legs, entwined her fingers together, and rested her elbows against her desk so her arms formed a triangle.

"Today we're here for a certain adolescent girl who appears to be obsessed with cute things, especially pink objects," said Kitsune. "Elizabeth's adoration for cute objects: a hobby (which I highly doubt) or a mental issue? To assist us here today, please give a warm welcome to Elizabeth Middleford and Alois Trancy!"

Elizabeth smiled, waving and fluttering her emerald eyes. Alois winked at Ciel, who turned pale.

"What? That's absurd! Alois barely even knows Elizabeth !" Ciel shouted from the crowd.

Kitsune "hmphed" then crossed her arms. "I have my reasons," she replied to Ciel casually. Taking a wad of cash out of her pocket, she filed through the money, grinning. "Yes, they're very good reasons." Alois smirked, putting on an innocent smile.

"But-"

Pig-chan quickly cut him off by pulling out a megaphone and switching it on. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME FRIES WITH THAT?" she yelled, right into Ciel's poor ear.

Ciel's eyes widened, turning a shade of ghostly white as he covered his ears with his hands.

"What… the hell? Why is she even here?"

"She's here because she requested to be in the crowd. I'm not a monster, you know. Everyone is invited to be in the crowd; they just have to ask politely," Kitsune replied nonchalantly. "And, 'tis forevermore, my friend."

Ciel widened. With his fists clenched, he muttered through his inhumanly white teeth, "You…ughh."

Smirking once more, Kitsune stuffed the cash back in her pocket. "Back to the subject, today we are here for Elizabeth 's obsession with cute things," she interrupted. Kitsune pulled out a yellow notepad, adjusting her wacky glasses. "So, Elizabeth, why do you like cute things so much?" she questioned the hyper girl.

Elizabeth blinked for a second, and then smiled. "Because I like all things that are cute!" she exclaimed. She looked at Kitsune and frowned at her "commoner's" outfit. "And you are not wearing very cute things," she said, pouting. Almost instantly, she snapped her delicate little fingers. "Oh, I know! I'll make you cute too!"

The currently "not cute" girl's face flushed. Kitsune laughed nervously, waving her hands. "U-um, you don't have to do that," she said as Elizabeth began approaching her. She glanced at Alois and mouthed the words "help me."

Alois only laughed, shrugging and replying, "Maybe next year. Have fun getting crushed from all of those ruffles."

Kitsune sighed, shrugging. "Then, I guess you don't want the spotlight. I'm speculating that you don't want everyone to think of you as a hero who saved me from this crazed little girl," she said. "Well, that's too bad."

Alois slammed his hands on the desk, shouting,"Wait!" His expression darkened as his face transitioned into a sadistic smile.

He turned to Elizabeth, who was frolicking (literally) back to Kitsune with a pink dress overflowing with frills and sparkles. Kitsune winced at the sight, trying to hide under her desk.

Kitsune took one glance at Alois's "I'm going to gouge her eye out" look and started panicking. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," she said, bringing her hands in front of her, "I didn't mean it that way. Just get her under control so I can continue with this show."

Elizabeth finally reached the two, grinning and holding up the gown. "See," she literally squealed, "this is way cuter than that outfit!" She held up the frilly thing, showing the cheap, shiny flecks on the torso part in all of their damned glory. Kitsune sweat dropped, backing away.

"Um, that's really, really nice of you, Elizabeth, but uh, I just can't accept it because I am no match for its shittyne- I mean beautifulness." Kitsune picked up one layer of the millions of frills, watching the cheap sparkles fall off from it. "See, it's just way too…ugl- gorgeous," she stated, turning around and stuffing fake teardrops in her eyes. "I mean, look at this intricate design," Kitsune fake sobbed, pointing to the sewn-on roses, "and how these sparkles brilliantly emphasize the diamonds on the torso area."

Elizabeth beamed and nodded, pointing to the pink puffy sleeves. "Mm hm! And look how this silk sash adorns the waist area!"

Kitsune nodded, further commenting on the dress. Pretty soon Elizabeth was in tears as well, and the two, well actually just Elizabeth, continued marveling at it. For a moment, while Elizabeth kept staring at the thing, Kitsune looked away, looking like she needed to puke.

Alois and Ciel were speechless. Sebastian just continued pouring tea into his young master's cup, intrigued by Kitsune's performance. So, Alois wasn't needed after all, right?

Wrong. As usual, Alois needed to be the center of attention, so he snuck out of view, coming back a fire extinguisher. The two girls immediately looked at Alois as if he were a maniac. Kisune stepped in front of Alois before he reached his target.

"Hey, Alois. So, what are you planning to do with that fire extinguisher?" Kitsune questioned skeptically.

Alois only smiled, suddenly pointing the spout to Kitsune. The host instinctively shielded her face, but blasting Kitsune in the face was not the boy's motive.

In one swift move, Alois blasted the camera, covering the lens in white foam. All view was gone, and only shouting could be heard.

"What the hell, Alois?" snapped Kitsune. "Wipe that foam off right now so we can get back to the show!"

"Uwaah! This dress is so pretty!" Elizabeth cooed.

"Sebastian, more tea!" commanded Ciel.

"Ciel, How much more tea are you going to drink until you explode?" teased Kitsune.

"Shut up! I am Ciel Phantomhive, and-"

"We get it," Kitsune interrupted.

"And these diamonds are so kawaii!"

"Alois, wipe it off right now! We only have 45 minutes left!" commanded Kitsune.

"That's what she said!" Alois exclaimed, giggling.

"Um, no, it's not," Kitsune replied awkwardly.

"Screw you."

"Screw yourself. ...Wait a minute, don't come up with a conniving comeback for that, because I fear that if it's about yourself, it's true."

"What the hell, Trancy? Put your bloody coat back on!" Ciel shouted.

"Bocchan, langu-"

"We get it already, Sebastian," Kitsune interrupted.

"Get off of me, Trancy!" Ciel yelled.

"I have to film this!" Pig-chan yelled. "Whoa, this is gold! We're going to make such a profit!"

"Yeah… Um, Alois, yes you, there's no other Alois around, can you get off of Ciel and put your coat back on so we can get back to the show?"

All of a sudden, a crashing noise was heard, followed by Elizabeth screaming, and Ciel yelling, " Elizabeth, are you okay?"

Kitsune yelled, "What, you don't care about this host who is the one paying you?"

Ciel snapped, "Are you kidding me? I haven't gotten one single pound since I've gotten on this show!"

"Oh, yeah; I don't pay you. Fine; I'll rephrase my sentence. What, you don't care about this host who's trying to help you with your problems?" Kitsune asked. "Hey, is that a dagger?"

"…"

"So, what are you planning to do with that blade, exactly?" Kitsune asked. "Vi-violence isn't the best answer; you know…Okay, you're still walking slowly towards me with that thing in your hand."

"You just signed your own death wish, again," Ciel growled.

"Crap. Okay, time for plan B.I didn't want to have to do this, Ciel, but here's goes nothing," said Kitsune. "HEY ALOIS, CIEL HAS A DAGGER, AND HE'S GOING TO CUT YOUR LUCIOUS HAIR WITH IT!" Kitsune yelled at the top of her lungs.

Alois yelled, "What did you just say?"

"You heard it," replied Kitsune. "He's going to cut that beautiful hair of yours that you've been working oh so hard on."

Pretty soon, footsteps, which turned into frenetic stomps, was heard, along with Alois yelling, "You touch my hair, and I'll gouge your eye out!"

"Yeah, that's right, Alois, chase after that lie-spewing shota boy!" Kitsune yelled. "Hey! 'Chase after that lie-spewing shota boy' does not mean to break my stereos! Wait- it doesn't mean to turn them on either!"

Music blasted throughout the entire room, along with the sound of crashing, yelling, and some unidentified voice yelling, "If you don't shut up, I'm going to call the cops!"

All of a sudden, a huge boom was heard, and everything went dead silent.

Finally, a yellow blur enveloped the foam stained lens, clearing the white suds. Sight was regained. But, it wasn't very pretty.

What looked like Ciel wedged in a now shattered television and Alois trying to mask his hair with his hands nearby was the most peculiar spectacle of all. Other things in plain sight were Kitsune, who appeared to be mocking Sebastian by holding up a ruler and measuring the height of how high up the tea pot was when he poured the dark liquid, and Elizabeth, who was chasing the mailman around, attempting to put the dress on the poor man.

Abruptly, the camera was pivoted by Pig-chan. She laughed nervously, saying, "We'll be right back after these messages!"

***During Commercial Break***

"Jeez, Alois, calm down. I was kidding when I said that Ciel was going to slice through your hair," Kitsune told the boy, patting his hand-covered head. "So, you can uncover your head now."

Tragically slowly, Alois took his hand off of his hand, turning to Ciel, who was still jammed in the TV. "Cut my hair and I swear you'll never see daylight," he muttered sadistically while Ciel felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Sometimes daylight cannot be seen through the eye of the beholder, Alois," preached Kitsune. "Cutting your extraordinarily thick hair does not equal the end of the world. In fact, the worst that could happen would be that you would commit suicide, and Ciel would end up needing another eyepatch." Ciel and Alois stared at Kitsune questioningly while she scarfed down a donut. Kitsune picked up a glazed donut from the box and turned it sideways, placing it on Ciel's head. "I dub thee the king of-"

"Thirty seconds 'til showtime!" Pig-chan yelled, sprinting to the three from the audience. Looking at Ciel, she laughed, saying,"Hey, nice crown. What are you, the king of-"

"Okay, let's go, Alois, Eliza- Hey, where's Elizabeth?"

"Her mother came and picked her up after her, quote:'foolish act' as soon as commercial break came," Sebastian replied nonchalantly while holding an empty silver platter that once held the most scrumptious, succulent, the sweetest, most-well, okay, I think you get it- donuts in the world.

"What? Shit, now what do we do with the 20 minutes I was planning to fill up with intense moments left?" said a worried host. "If- if I don't have something that the viewers can chew on, who knows what will happen..." She shivered.

"Don't you still need to read the intern applications?" questioned Pig-chan.

"Eh, I was planning to do that next time when I hopefully have more papers..." Suddenly, a grin crept up on Kitsune's worried face. "Wait... I think I have an idea..."

Ciel sighed, hoping it did not involve him. Sadly, his dreams were not answered.

***End of Commercial Break***

"Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji! I know we were going to get back to Elizabeth's fetish with cute things," Kitsune gulped,"but, sadly, you know it will NEVER vanish," Kitsune said, smiling. "So, instead, I've decided to start this new segment early."She gestured towards the two empty, glow-in-the-dark chairs before her. Wait, weren't they blue before? Anyways, she continued,"Did you happen to take notice in these two empty chairs? No, it was not because Elizabeth went to the hospital because her eyes were gouged out, if, you guys were, ahem, wondering. Anyways, Elizabeth had to go, and Alois, well, he was an important part of this. Pig-chan, take it away!" she exclaimed, gesturing to Pig-chan who was standing next to the TV.

Pig-chan smiled, clearing her throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, glad to have you in for this special segment, called: _Prank That Shota_!" The TV flashed on, and showed Alois sieated on a dining table chair, swinging his legs. "Now, today we are going to prank a certain blue-haired shota. Alois, here, has infiltrated the Phantomhive Mansion, and set up cameras in Ciel's room, the kitchen, and the hallway. He is also wearing a spy cam on his family heirloom ring, along with a communicator to, well, communicate with us." Pig-chan looked to Kitsune.

"Let's tap in to his his communicator right now!"Kitsune continued, opening up a drawer in her magic desk of randomness. She presented a pearly-white remote to the camera, pressing the button to turn on the intercom in the middle of the stage. In one swift move, she quickly paced to the mic, pushing the only giant, neon orange button on the remote. "Alois, did you set up the cameras?"

The camera turned to the TV, which showed Alois looking around suspiciously before lifting his his hand with the ring, bringing it in front of his chin, and replying, "Yeah."

"Is the pepper on the silverware?"

"Mhmm," he replied lazily."

Kitsune snickered, replying,"Good," then, "I'll communicate you after Ciel enters the building at 0:00. Conniving_Fox, out."

"'Kay! Hey, you _do_ know that 0:00 means _midnight_, right?"

"Oh, you shut up."

"Roger."

Kitsune shut off her communicator. All was silent for a moment, before she broke out into a fit of loud, air-gasping, guffaws. "Ahaha, he is so oblivious to the fact that Ciel is in this too! Pig-chan, why don't you explain this mosh pit to the viewers?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Pig-chan. "Okay, viewers, so, earlier, I explained to you that Alois was equipped with the latest technology to prank Ciel. But, what he doesn't know is that Ciel is pranking him as well. So, all in all, the two are both practically oblivious to the fact that both are pranking EACHOTHER! Oh, how I love this show!"

Just as she finished her little explanation, Ciel entered the room, turning to Alois with a deadpanned expression on his face.

"Sebastian," he spat with venom, "what is _he _doing _here_?" Ciel folded his arms as Alois beamed at him, smiling cleverly.

"Huh? I thought you loved having your future fiancé here!" Alois exclaimed. Ciel's eye twitched as Alois said "future fiancé." Alois then continued with a long speech on how much he was appalled that Ciel did not enjoy his presence, how much how loved him and whatnot.

"Alois, never in a _million years_ will you be my wedlock. _Never_," Ciel stated flatly.

"―furthermore, how could you not enjoy my presence? I mean you, being the boring shriveled up tree, with branches just about to fall off and bonk someone on the head, and me, being the monkey who throws bananas at everyone and dancing my ass off in front of them, well not literally―"

"I am not a boring deceased tree just waiting to collapse and crush you!"

"― but you get what I mean. Without moi here, you'd just be, literally, dead in your weird throne chair thingy, oblivious to the fact that Sebastian is eyeing you like you're an assortment of pastries! By the way, _Criminally Insane Angel_ sent in a cart of those in and I can't believe you went against her wishes and ate ALL of the chocolate éclairs! Now. Come one, let's eat the crème brulee Sebastian prepared for us!" shouted Alois in a joyful tone whilst dragging Ciel to his chair.

Ciel protested by flailing about as Alois forced him in a chair, taking some duck tape from his pocket and strapping Ciel to his chair. Suddenly, Alois leaned in, staring at Ciel's eyes with an angelic smile. "Your eyes are like sapphires…" he whispered in a husky voice.

Ciel's cheeks grew red, his face flustered. "Sh-shut up…" he replied, looking away.

Alois leaned in closer as Ciel tried is best to lean back as much as he could. Finally Ciel gave up and closed his eyes, waiting for what was about to come. Alois leaned in even closer until their noses were touching, closed his eyes, and―

**The freaking T.V. went BLANK…!**

0_0

"Wha-WHAT?" exclaimed both Kitsune and Pig-chan.

Kitsune held her face in horror, sniffling for a split second, then going completely berserk.

"*CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* What the *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*?...! Just when they were about to freakin' kiss? Really, you sad excuse for a dinosaur T.V.? Really? You couldn't let me have just ONE freakin' moment of unforced fanservice? *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*"

***Please excuse us for ten minutes***

"Hi…again! Sorry for the interruption when we were about to get to the great fanservice. After I kill whoever created this T.V., I swear, we'll be right back. Sorry, we're out of time for now, but, fear not, for in the next episode, we'll be right back. Stay tuned!"

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**You thought that I would let them kiss, didn't you? Well, ha! Sorry! In the next chapter, though, I am going to continue with this before anything else. Once again, I am TERRIBLY sorry for the EXTREMELY late update! Bye!**

**Until Next Time, **

**LuNa6780**


	6. Important Side Note

***PLEASE READ THE BELOW NOTES. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT***

**Hey guys. Sorry for not updating but a bunch of shit has been happening lately that I really don't want to talk about. It's been nearly half a year, huh? ...It's really hard for me to say this, but...should I continue this story? I mean, I know for a fact that I would continue to write this story (albeit a LOT slower) but I want to know if you guys are still reading this. Sorry about not updating for a really long time. Also, I heard that you're not allowed to upload chapters without it being an actual chapter, so how about a little Alois and Ciel fluff to compensate for not updating? Also, I'm a bit rusty on the characters' demeanor because I've fallen out of the kuroshitsuji fandom (Hetalia: that stuff is so addicting, I swear), so here goes nothing...**

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Ciel sauntered lazily down the streets of England, ignoring the shouts and mysteriously strong shoves of young children that passed by. He took a moment to gaze at a French-themed cafe which sported welcoming pastel colors. The aroma of tea wafted to his longing nose, causing the boy to sigh in content.

That is, until a familiar voice shattered the serenity of the moment.

"And then I was all, _what the fuck_? Isn't that so _annoying_, Timber?"

Oh. Ciel's nose scrunched up in distaste at the sound of Alois. It was quite ironic, really. These days, it seemed as if the world was out to get the earl.

Ciel quickly looked around. And there, in his usual attire, sat Alois, drinking a cup of coffee. Timber sat next to him, sighing in exasperation. The poor worker had most likely been dragged there.

As if mocking his already bad luck, the pair was seated right in front of the _damn restaurant_. Ah, yes. The world really did dislike him. Was it because he had _accidentally_ spilled his cup of tea on Sebastian when the butler had scolded him for the latter's use of profanity? Or perhaps it was for the time he used his cane to...

Ciel shook his head. Maybe he could sneak past the duo, unnoticed–

"Ciel!"

"God dammit," Ciel muttered under his breath. Was it really his fault for being quite cynical?

Alois sprinted to Ciel, embracing him tightly. "How convenient!" Since when did the boy know of the word _convenient_? He clapped his hands in delight. "Timber is so bloody boring. But that's all right, since you came!"

Ironically, Timber had managed to sneak away while Alois was turned around.

_Lucky bastard._

Ciel sighed as Alois dragged him away, blushing as he coiled his free arm around Ciel's back.

"Let's go get some cotton candy– huh? You have a stain on your sleeve." He pointed to the repulsive blotch on Ciel's sleeve.

How odd. Sebastian had been the one to do his laundry that evening... _Oh_.

Alois smiled mischievously, tugging on Ciel's coat. "We can't have that happening, _right_? It looks so... _unsightly_..."

Of course, the taller one's statement caused Ciel to grit his teeth nervously. "Since when did you know the word unsightly?" he pondered aloud, attempting to unsuccessfully alter the subject. It was a complete tragedy that he didn't.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Alois grumbled, rolling. They then flickered back to their previous message. Soon enough, a devilish smirk graced his expression.

"What the–! Alois, can't you just fo-fold the thing? Let go of me this instant!"

A small child passed by with his mother in tow. "Mama, how come that boy's face is red? And how come his clothes are messy?" The mother made haste to usher her boy out of the two's sight.

Alois winked to curious pedestrians as he promptly dragged Ciel away to the latter's mansion.

Later that evening, Meyrin entered Ciel's room, forgetting to knock.

"U-um, Mister Sebastian said it was time for..." she flushed as soon as she saw Alois and Ciel. "O-oh...sorry for interrupting!" she squeaked, slamming the door. "I-I'll go t-tell Mister S-Sebastian that you're...bu-busy," came her muffled voice as she briskly walked away.

"Wa-wait!" Ciel exclaimed too late. "I-it's _not_ what it looks like!"

Though...we all know, for a well known fact, that it was _exactly_ how it looked like...

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**Thank you for reading this. So...should I continue this story?**

**~LuNa**


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